I’ve never played any of the Parasite Eve games but I have of course heard about the series and know it has a cult following. (Come to think of it: is there any game series without a cult following?)

Belatedly I watched this trailer for the upcoming PSP title The 3rd Birthday and mean to tell you what I thought about it. Hit the jump to find out.

The game looks very beautiful and will no doubt please my inner graphics whore. My eyes delighted at the sights.

My ears, on the other hand, bled quite awfully, for two reasons. One was the non-quality of the narrator’s performance, which effortlessly ranks among the worst ever. The second hemorrhage-inducing factor was that the story told by this guy is really, really, really bad. I mean, really. I can forgive bad voice acting but if I have to listen to that during the entire game, I may as well never start playing.

Story that sucks shit through a pipe is definitely a deal-breaker for me.

On the positive side, it looks like the protagonist of The 3rd Birthday has some cool tricks up her sleeve. I’m talking Matrix-style tricks here and that can never be a bad thing.

One thing, though, is decidedly bad. Apparently, the role of a health bar is played by the heroine’s pants. The more damage she sustains, the more ripped-apart they look. I imagine that when she heals her pants get magically sewn back together. That somebody would have thought this was okay makes me cringe.

A pity, because I really liked how the game looks.